


If I Had to Describe the Feeling

by CaptainLeBubbles



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-31 22:38:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3995713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLeBubbles/pseuds/CaptainLeBubbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aiden just wants his pickle jar opened.</p>
<p>Sharkface is pretty sure Manly was in a porno like this once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Had to Describe the Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> I was hoping to have the first Sharkprice fic on Ao3 but I didn't write it fast enough and someone beat me to it. I'm okay with that though because it was everything I could want from Sharkprice. Anyway here's my contribution.
> 
> It's literally just porn. It even has the shoddy set up. -extreme blushu-

o/o

*

If there is one food that Aiden loves, it is pickles. Delicious whole dills, soaked in briney goodness and with just the right balance of crunchy outside and gooey inside. Even better, he likes them dipped in peanut butter, because the peanut butter takes some of the sharp edge off of the pickle and-

-look, it's good, okay?

Unfortunately, he can't get the top off of the jar of pickles he's just bought, and it's the only thing standing between him and delicious, delicious pickles and peanut butter.

After tapping it fruitlessly against the table, banging it with a butter knife, wrapping a towel around his hand, smacking the bottom, and every other trick his mother taught him for opening jars, he finds he must admit defeat. It's not happening. No pickles for sad Aiden.

He sits at the table staring at the jar of pickles like it has personally attacked him.

This is silly, of course. A jar of pickles is not sentient. He knows he's just projecting his frustrations onto an inanimate object, but he also knows that indulging this can help ease off those frustrations.

He considers, at one point, calling Allison and asking if she'll come over to open his jar for him. He discards the idea immediately- Allison, while willing to accommodate him, will quite likely mock him mercilessly. And she will tell Leonard, who will _also_ mock him mercilessly, despite admitting quite freely that it's Allison who does all the heavy lifting in the Church household.

No, easiest to just leave them out of it.

He's considering the merits of a glass cutter when he hears whistling passing by his door, followed by the sound of the door across the hall opening and closing.

3B. He's seen the man around- Latino man, medium height, and with bulging arm muscles that wouldn't fit sleeves even if he ever bothered to wear them. Aiden grabs his pickle jar and heads out of his apartment and across the hall. If the muscle-bound hulk he lives next door to can't open them, no one can.

*

Sharkface is just getting in the shower when he hears the knock on the door. He grumbles irritably and shuts the water off. He was really, really looking forward to that shower, after the day he's had.

He shakes some of his excess water off and throws a towel around his waist. Hopefully he can deal with this soon and get back to relaxing.

*

Aiden stands at the door for several minutes after knocking before he hears a muffled voice from within, and then the chain slides away and the door opens to-

-not the man he was expecting. This one is tall- very tall- and heavily scarred on one side of his face. His body is covered- head to toe- in shark-themed tattoos, which Aiden knows because he's wearing nothing but a towel which does absolutely nothing to protect his modesty.

Aiden manages, after an embarrassing several seconds, to get his brain back and actually say something.

“I'm sorry,” he says. “I... thought someone else lived here.”

Silence. The man's eyes flicker to the jar of pickles clutched in one hand, and he raises an eyebrow.

“I needed help opening a jar.”

The man sighs, and holds out his hands for the jar. As soon as he does, Aiden's gaze is drawn up to the ceiling, because now the man's towel has fallen to the floor and yes, he is  _absolutely_ covered in tattoos. Aiden does his best not to look but  _damn_ , that is one fine specimen of manhood before him.

The towel's drop is accompanied by swearing, and the jar is thrust back into his hands so the man can grab his towel.

“All right, come on in. But you have to share your pickles with me, given the trouble I'm going through for them.”

Aiden is one hundred percent okay with that. He gives a polite, acquiescing nod and follows the man into his apartment.

“I think that's a fair trade.”

“Eeyup.” He disappears into his bathroom and emerges with a bathrobe wrapped very loosely around himself- it's not much, but at least he's covered better than he was before. Aiden relaxes a little.

“You know,” the guy says conversationally, while he struggles with the lid, “I'm pretty sure Manly starred in a porno with this exact scenario.”

“Manly?”

“The guy you thought lived here. Big guy, really buff, never wears a shirt with sleeves?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, him. He was in a porno once and I'm pretty sure this is the set up they went with. It's the arms. He looks like the kind of guy you'd go to if you needed a jar opened.”

Aiden isn't entirely sure how to respond. Is this man just very casual about the fact that his friend was in a porno? Is he just trying to make conversation? Or is that a hint? Probably not, the lead in that film was probably a buxom young woman in her twenties, not a slightly graying man in his forties.

Still, it leaves him embarrassed to think about, and he looks away, not quite willing to meet the man's eyes.

“My name is Aiden,” he says, instead. “I live across the hall.”

“Yeah, I know. I've seen you around.”

He's banging the rim of the jar against the counter now, to no avail. Aiden clears his throat and finally manages to look at him again.

“I wonder why I've never seen you in the building before, since we live next door to one another. I'm sure I would have noti-” He breaks off. The man glances up at him, then looks back to the jar with a scowl.

“Yeah, I know, I'm pretty noticeable, aren't I? I work nights and sleep through the time of day when people are out and about. It's not surprising, really.” He manages to get the jar off with a pop, and makes a triumphant noise at his success. “There we go! Knew if I hit it hard enough it'd cooperate.”

He grabs a fork from the dish drainer and makes a show of selecting the pickle he wants, then passes the jar and fork over the Aiden.

“Why don't you stay and enjoy a pickle with me?”

It's quite possibly the oddest invitation to company that Aiden has ever received, and he takes the offered fork without a word. He's just selecting which pickle he wants when he becomes aware of the man again, and the way he's eating his own pickle is absolutely obscene- first by sliding the whole thing into his mouth to slurp off any excess brine, then by wrapping his lips around the end and just sucking with obvious delight.

Aiden is so distracted that he doesn't notice his own pickle falling back into the jar. He fumbles a little and turns to trying to get it back out, doing his best not to look at his host because eating a pickle shouldn't be arousing and Aiden really doesn't want to alienate any of his neighbors or get a reputation for weird fetishes.

*

Sharkface resists the urge to smirk at Aiden's reaction. When he'd opened the door to find his hot neighbor on the other side, he'd known immediately how he should go about improving a previously shitty day. Forget showers when there are foxes like this one around to seduce. And he can always shower later- preferably with said fox joining him, that'd be nice.

His lips curl up at the thought. He just has to find a way to get Aiden flustered enough to be open to sleeping with him. He's put the idea in his head, he can see that easily in the way he refuses to meet Sharkface's eyes. Between 'accidentally' flashing him, mentioning Manly's movie (thank you, Manly, for having zero ounces of propriety when it comes to making money), and the suggestive way he's been eating this pickle, the idea should be firmly planted by now. All that's left is to cultivate it until he can take Aiden to bed and fuck him into the mattress.

*

Aiden's mouth has gone dry, and he finds himself shifting uncomfortably. Is this really happening? He feels like a horny teenager, salivating over a complete stranger just for a eating a pickle. But can he really be blamed? Between seeing the man in his altogether and thinking about being in a porn scenario, he has sex- sex with this stranger, in particular- very firmly on the brain. Even without his obscene pickle eating methods, Aiden would likely still be salivating over something.

He decides to distract himself with conversation, but when he tries to say something his mind goes blank and all that he can think of is, “This movie your friend starred in. Do you remember how it went?”

This actually makes the guy laugh. “I didn't watch it. Bros don't jack off to bros, that would just be a little too awkward later on.”

“That's understandable.” Aiden tries to think of something else to say. “I'm sorry, I just realized you never told me your name.”

“You can call me Sharkface. Or Sharky, I answer to both.”

“Sharkface?”

“I'm a marine biologist and I really like sharks. Also.” He gestures at his scars. “Sharkface.”

“I see.” Marine biologist, huh? That sounds like a nice safe topic, one that can't possibly be turned sexual by accident. “What is it about sharks you find so pleasing? Is it because they're apex predators?”

“No, it's because they're the puppies of the sea. You ever pet a shark? They love it. Nurse sharks even approach divers for belly rubs.” He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Though, yeah, I also like that they're apex predators. Top of the food chain. That's important.”

Oh. Oh no. He's not just hot, he's psychologically interesting. Aiden just wants to listen to him talk for hours about his love of sharks, because Aiden suspects he could learn a lot about him from that talk.

And if that talk happened to come in the sleepy haze right after sex, well. That would be even better.

*

Sharkface can't help smiling at the way Aiden keeps adjusting himself. This is going better than he thought- getting the man into bed will be a breeze. In fact, he isn't sure what he's waiting for, really. He figured some nice easy conversation while they eat their pickles would put Aiden at ease, but their pickles are gone and Sharky just doesn't feel like waiting anymore. He reaches over as though he's reaching for the jar, and instead grabs Aiden's hand at the last moment. Aiden blinks in surprise.

“You know I've been trying to seduce you since I opened my door. Is it working yet?”

*

Aiden's mind skids to a halt at that. Is this really happening? His eyes flicker from the hand playing with his to the hopeful smirk on Sharky's face. He's not prone to hallucinations, so unless this is a vivid dream, it must be real. He brings his eyes back up to meet Sharky's.

“Yes. I think it is.”

*

Now _that's_ what he wants to hear. He gets up and moves around the counter without letting go of Aiden's hand, and pulls him to his feet. “That's good,” he says. “Because I've been having a _pretty_ lousy day and I think a good lay with a gorgeous fox like yourself is just what the doctor ordered.” He tilts his head a little. He's still playing with Aiden's hand. “Is that all right?”

Aiden nods amiably. “I don't agree to sex with strangers because I'm looking for my one true love, Sharky. I assure you, I fully understand what I'm agreeing to.”

“Sounds like today is my lucky day, then.”

*

It's been a long time since anyone has called Aiden gorgeous. He's _never_ been called a fox. Sharkface is probably laying on the charm to get him into bed but honestly Aiden doesn't care. This beautiful, beautiful man wants to take him to bed and Aiden isn't going to complain about that one bit.

Sharkface's hands are rough on his, and when he drags Aiden into a kiss his lips are soft and warm and taste of brine.

Those rough hands are all over him in moments as Sharkface deepens the kiss. They caress Aiden, rubbing his arms and neck and pushing up under his shirt to splay across his belly and up, up until a thumb brushes over his nipple, teasing at it until it gets hard and perks up under Sharkface's attention.

Sharkface isn't wasting any time. He's already hard against Aiden's hip, and his goal seems to be getting Aiden hard too, as quickly as possible. Not that he's got his work cut out for him- Aiden groans into his kiss as he sets to work on Aiden's other nipple.

Sharkface pulls away and applies his lips to Aiden's neck, sucking hard enough to leave a mark (he's certain Leonard and Allison will tease him about it later). “Today is looking up,” he says. His fingers are digging into Aiden's hip, almost painfully. He grinds against him and lets out a soft whine. “My god you're gorgeous.” He trails his hand down into the front of Aiden's pants and Aiden's head falls back with a moan. Sharkface laughs. “Especially when you moan like that. Bedroom?”

“Yes.”

*

Aiden lets out a startled gasp when Sharkface picks him up bridal-style and carries him off to the back bedroom. He was expecting to be led, or pulled, but he supposes Sharkface is just that impatient. He gets a brief look at the room- Sharkface has about four enormous fish tanks set up- but doesn't get more before Sharkface has dropped him on the bed and settled over him. He draws him in with more kisses, and those big rough hands settle on his hips and yank his pants down in one swift motion.

He kicks them off the rest of the way while Sharkface gets to work on his buttons (it's very considerate of him not to just rip them off, given how impatient he clearly is). Sharkface doesn't bother pulling his shirt off once he gets it open, opting instead to push the sides away and bury his face in Aiden's soft belly.

“Gorgeous,” he says again, and mouths at Aiden's navel. Aiden shivers, and then yelps when Sharkface blows a raspberry on his belly. Sharkface laughs and presses a kiss to his navel.

Where before Sharkface had seemed impatient, he seems now intent on taking his own sweet time. He has yet to take his robe off, and Aiden pushes at it pointedly. He gets a laugh for his efforts and Sharkface sits back to shrug the robe off. He tosses it carelessly aside and then he's over Aiden again, mouthing at his neck while his hands work down Aiden's body.

Aiden can guess what's coming, but he can't stop the pleased, startled gasp as Sharkface closes a rough hand around his cock. His eyes stutter closed and for a moment he just allows himself to enjoy the things Sharkface is doing, but he knows he doesn't have the stamina to last much longer. He closes his own hand around Sharkface's to still it and pushes his head back.

“Sharky,” he says. “I am an old man. I do not have the stamina I once did.”

“Mmm-hmmm...” Sharkface doesn't seem put off by this. He leans in to try kissing Aiden's neck again, but Aiden just pulls him away to make him look him in the eye.

“I mean, if you don't get in me soon, you may not have time to get in me at all.”

Sharkface just smirks. “Impatient?”

“It has been a very long time since I've felt so much as a hand besides my own. Yes. I am impatient.”

“Well let's see what we can do about that, then.”

He rolls aside (the loss of the warm weight over him makes Aiden whine almost without realizing) and Aiden can hear him rummaging around in the bedside drawer. He props up on his elbows to watch when Sharkface settles back, lube in hand. Sharkface grins at him and pushes his knees up and apart. Aiden can only imagine what he must look like from this angle, but Sharkface is just staring at him like he's a feast that Sharkface can't wait to devour.

Aiden lets his head fall back as Sharkface pushes his first finger in. He hears Sharkface laugh, feels a kiss pressed against the inside of his knee, and almost doesn't realize that the low groan he hears is coming from him.

Sharkface is quick, but thorough; a second and then third finger soon join the first as Sharkface stretches him open. By the time he adds a fourth finger Aiden is a whining, keening mess, begging Sharkface to just stop playing and fuck him already, _please_. Then the fingers are pulled away and Sharkface is hooking Aiden's ankles over his shoulders. Aiden can hear him sigh blissfully as he coats his cock in the lube and then, after what feels like an eternity, he can feel Sharkface's cock pressing into him. He moans in delight and hauls himself up so that he can drag Sharkface into a kiss, earning a startled laugh from Sharkface.

“You're pretty flexible for an old man.”

“I do yoga every morning. It calms the mind.”

“That's a pleasing mental image.” Sharkface grins and grips at Aiden's hips with a growl. He moves him back down and settles his weight over Aiden so he can push the rest of the way in. He takes his own sweet time, and Aiden is gasping and twitching by the time his cock is fully sheathed. “I like this image, too,” he adds. He leans down to suck at Aiden's shoulder and starts moving.

He goes slowly at first, an agonizing slowness that leaves Aiden keening for more, until-

“Jesus _fuck_!”

“There we go,” Sharkface says, smirk in his voice, and picks up speed, now that he's found Aiden's sweet spot. He wraps his hand around Aiden's cock and starts moving in time with his thrusts and Aiden just lets his head fall back because he's too incoherent at this point to do anything else. Sharkface knows what he's doing, knows how to reduce Aiden to a gibbering, wobbly mess, and it's all too soon that he can feel his release building.

He comes with a shuddery gasp a few moments later. Sharkface picks up his pace and comes soon as well; he stays where he is even as Aiden's legs slowly slide from his shoulders to thump onto the bed.

When Sharkface does finally slip out and roll aside, Aiden is shaking all over. Sharkface gives a little laugh. “Good?”

“Very good.”

“Glad to please.” He helps Aiden the rest of the way out of his now-crumpled shirt, then lays down beside him and drapes an arm around his middle. He buries his face in Aiden's neck with a content sigh. “I knew you'd make my day better.”

“I'm happy I was able to help.” He shifts a little. He should leave before he gets too comfortable. “I should probably go now.”

“No, shhh, cuddling.” He snuffles at Aiden's neck. Aiden sighs.

“You were going to shower when I arrived?”

“I can shower later. Sleep now.” He adjusts his grip, holding Aiden closer. “Stay with me?”

Aiden _knows_ he should go. This was supposed to be casual, and cuddling and sleeping afterward is the opposite of that. Besides, Sharkface smells of saltwater and fish and they're both covered in sweat and come and Aiden is leaking more come out of his ass, which is not exactly comfortable either for sleeping _or_ to wake up to. If nothing else, both of them could use a shower.

But.

But Sharkface is a comfortable weight against him, warm and solid. His fingers are trailing small, soft circles on Aiden's hip where his hand is resting. His breath is hot on Aiden's neck. And most of all, it's been a very, very long time since Aiden has been held so affectionately. Sharkface is making it hard to turn him down; Aiden's resolve is dropping with each moment.

“I'm leaking on your sheets,” he says, a last ditch effort. Sharkface grunts.

“So I'll wash them.”

It's all he had. Aiden sighs in defeat and settles back against Sharkface's chest. He knows he's going to regret staying, but he's tired and comfortable. His eyes fall close, he can hear Sharkface's breath evening out against his neck. He sighs again, more contentedly this time, and rests his hand over Sharkface's, and lets himself drift off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact this is the first time I've written porn without a partner in about five years.


End file.
